We connect sons and daughters who lost fathers
on opposite sides of the Vietnam War.
The 2 Sides Project was founded in 2015 by Margot Carlson Delogne.
Her father, Air Force Captain John W. Carlson, was killed in action near Bien Hoa in December 1966.
First, six of us went to Vietnam to meet with 20+ Vietnamese whose fathers died fighting on the
other side. Since then a dozen more Americans have met with countless more Vietnamese children. We know
that facing each other and our own fears leads to more understanding, and lasting healing. We hope to
help the thousands more like us on both sides come together.
Here are some of our stories.
Portraits of The 2 Sides
Mike Walling and Hoang Thi Kim Thanh share a beer after an emotional 2 Sides Project meeting in Hanoi. Mike’s father, Lt. Col. Charles Walling, was killed in August 1966. Mike was born a few months later, so he never got to meet him. Thanh said he never had much of a chance to say “Dad” in his life because his father was killed when he was six years old. He had tears in his eyes when he said that he hopes that the peace between the United States and Vietnam “will last forever.”
Doug Godfrey, the son of Air Force Captain Johnny Godfrey, stands with the decorated Vietnamese pilot Nguyen Hong My. Doug read about My before going to Vietnam and was impressed with his extraordinary story both during and after the war. My was shot down by F-4D Phantom pilot Major E. Daniel Cherry and survived. Decades later, the two men met in Vietnam. They became good friends who were able to put the war behind them. Doug read something My said that stuck with him: the Vietnamese, My siad, are a peace loving people. Doug was able to meet with My and connect over a peace-focused
meal in Hanoi.
Ms. Dao and Margot Carlson Delogne. Dao was a teacher at a school in Saigon for Vietnamese children whose parents died in the war. Today she is beloved by the dozens of children she and her husband Duc helped raise. Margot’s father was killed when she was two years old. She spent many years in boarding schools in the U.S. and England, and remembers teachers who made a major impact in her life. She felt a special connection with Dao from the moment they met.
Nguyen Thi Thanh Thuy with Debbie Eller after a 2 Sides Project meeting in Hanoi. Thuy’s father was killed when she was just five months old. She talked about how she missed the chance to say “Papa” and grow up under her father’s care. After 20 years of searching, her father’s remains were finally found. Debbie’s father, Air Force Captain Johnny Howard Godfrey, was killed when she was 10 years old. She has many memories of a loving and attentive father. Captain Godfrey remains missing. Debbie hopes an upcoming search finally locates his crash site.
Dinh The Sau and Susan Mitchell Mattera. Sau’s father was killed in the Quang Nam province during the Tet Offensive, 1968. Susan’s father was killed two years later in 1970 in the south western part of Vietnam, near Cao Lanh City. Sau has two brothers, Susan two sisters.
Bonnie Dean and Nguyen Viet Hung, whose
fathers died fighting on opposite sides of the Vietnam/American War. Bonnie has few memories
of her father, who was killed in 1964 when she was just five years old, very early in the conflict and
just before the war had officially started. Hung has many memories of his father, who was killed when Hung was a teenager after the war officially ended, during a fight with the Khmer Rouge of
neighboring Cambodia.
Nguyen Thi Luong and Margot Carlson Delogne. Luong’s mother was a kindergarten teacher who
was in school one day when a bomb raid began.
She rushed the children to the bomb shelter,
and when she went to bring the last child to
safety, a bomb hit. She protected the child with
her body and lost her life. Margot’s father, a pilot, was shot down on December 7, 1966. He has remained missing for more than 50 years. What struck Margot most about Luong is how caring she was toward the American side. “She grasped our hands, embraced us warmly, held us close to her side. She was lovely, and loving.”
Nora Kubach, the editor and writer of The 2 Sides Projectdocumentary film, with American/Vietnam War veteran Nguyen Van Thiep. Thiep lost his
right arm fighting for the Vietnamese side on the same day the Paris Peace Accord was signed in January 1973.
Nguyen Le Anh Khanh with Margaret Von Lienen. Ms. Khanh's father is listed as MIA.She received a letter about what happened to him from her father's unit, but the letter was soaked in a flood that made the writing indecipherable. Margaret's father, Robert Saavedra, was a Navy pilot and is also MIA. He was shot down over the province of Ha Tinh on
April 28, 1968.
Ron Reyes and Phu Nguyen, who works at Project RENEW in the Quang Tri province. During a presentation about Project RENEW to the 2 Sides Project, Mr. Nguyen told Ron that his father was a guerrilla fighter and fought in Cam Lo, in the same place where Ron’s father fought for the other side.
Mike Burkett with Ho Tuan Nghia after the 2 Sides Project meeting in Quang Tri. Both men share the experience of losing their father in war. They also share a love of photography.
Patty Young Loew and Nguyen Liem. Patty's father, HM1 Jack Young (Navy), was killed in Da Nang on March 11, 1969. Mr. Liem's father fought on the North Vietnamese side and was killed in the early 1970s. Patty and Mr. Liem met in Hanoi. When
Mr. Liem said his father distributed medical supplies, Patty nodded and smiled. Her father had been a medic during the war.
Susan Mitchell-Mattera with Le Thi Thu. Ms. Thu’s father was a “war invalid” whose hands and eyes were badly injured in the war. He died in 2006 and was recognized as a war martyr.
Mike Burkett with Ho Van Hien. Mike, whose father Curtis Earl Burkett, was killed on February 19, 1971 in Quang Ngai Province, has many family photos of his parents, but only one with him in it. Mr. Hien's father was killed in 1968 when Mr. Hien was four months old. He has no memories, and no pictures, of his father. We asked if anyone told him anything about his dad, he recalled what his mother said: his father fought bravely "until his last bullet."
Mike and Dina with Thuy and Trung. Mike and Dina met in high school in Arizona. Thuy and Trung met in their high school in Saigon. The couples have been married ever since. They met at the 2 Sides Project meeting in Saigon, January 2024.
Nguyen Thi Lan and Debbie Eller. Lan has three martyrs in her family, including her father, who fought against the French and the Americans and
was killed in 1968. She met him only once. He
had been imprisoned during the war and had
become disfigured, and Lan was so afraid of him when he approached her for the first time that she ran away. Debbie was 10 years old when her father was killed. She has many memories of him, and cherishes the experiences she had growing up under his loving guidance.
Dina Walling with Vu Quang Thong and Khuat Quang Cu in Hanoi. Dina’s husband, Mike Walling, lost his father in the war. Thong and Cu lost brothers in the war. All of their stories brought home the wide ranging impact of war on families.
Mike Walling’s father, Lt. Col. Charles Walling, was shot down on August 8, 1966, 35 miles northwest of Ho Chi Minh City. A few years later, Bui The Giang was a 20-year-old member of the “Triple A” unit, the anti aircraft artillery section of the North Vietnamese forces tasked with shooting down enemy aircraft. Giang spent decades after the war serving his country as an interpreter and skilled political advisor. He was witness to the moments that led to reconciliation, and has worked to strengthen the relationship between Vietnam and the U.S. in the years since. Mike asked Giang what he thought was the common thread that drives the relationship between the two countries. “Although we had a very bad chapter in our relations, we are destined to be together,” Giang said. “That’s because we share one thing, the most important thing in life: a sense of humanity.”
Phan Thi Ket and Doug Godfrey were three years old when their fathers were killed on opposite sides of the Vietnam/American War. Both of their fathers are still missing. Ket has letters her father wrote to her mother, including one in which he says he likes the name Ket for a girl if they have one. Doug carried a letter from his father all the way to Vietnam to bring to the site where he was killed.
Kim Carlson Benner and Duong Minh Can, whose fathers died fighting on opposite sides of the Vietnam/American War. Kim was four years old when her father was shot down near Bien Hoa in December 1966. Can was nine years old when his father was killed. Can was also injured during the war. He said that an American medic healed him, “so I had mixed feelings about the Americans from then on.” Kim too had mixed feelings about the Vietnamese. Once she met the other side in person, she came to know that the pain of losing a father was shared. Can and
Kim met during the most recent 2 Sides Project
trip to Vietnam.
Dung Vu and Barbara Brumet, whose fathers died fighting on opposite sides of the Vietnam/American War. Dung Vu’s father died on April 8, 1972, before she was born. Barbara’s father died on April 9, 1964, when Barbara was six years old. Barbara was the first to sign up for the 2018 trip. Dung Vu wasn’t sure she wanted to come to the 2 Sides Project meeting, but in the end she was happy she did. “We are all proud of our fathers, but we are not proud of war. I would do anything to prevent war.”
Nguyen Hoang Giang and Jill Hubbs, whose
fathers died fighting on opposite sides of the Vietnam/American War. Giang’s father, an educator, was killed in 1967 when Giang was two years old. Giang’s uncle and grandfather also died during the war. Today Giang is an educator who believes “we should do all in our ability to maintain peace for both sides.” Jill is an educator too. Her father’s plane crashed into the Gulf of Tonkin in March 1968. To this day he remains missing in action. “In Vietnam I have met people who fought and who lost on the opposite side of the war, and they are all gracious and friendly toward me. It’s been an amazing experience to connect with them.”
During the Vietnam War, Tran Trong Duc and Nguyên Thi Dao were teachers at a boarding school for “children of war martyrs.” They taught and cared for hundreds of Vietnamese orphans, some as young as six years old. Over the years they became so close to the children that they remained in touch with many students well after the war ended. They have an unbreakable bond that has seen them through loss, and love. Duc and Dao met at the school and later married, as did 90 couples who were students.
Nguyen Duy Dung and Patty Young Loew met in Quang Tri province, Vietnam. They had a lot in common. Both were just two years old when their fathers died. And both fathers were killed in the exact same way -- by a shot to the head.
Margot Carlson Delogne, left, and Patty Young Loew, right, with Thi Le Phi. All three daughters said their mothers never remarried because they had found their one love in their fathers. They met in Da Nang, near the site where Patty's father was killed on March 11, 1969.
Susan Mitchell-Mattera and Duong Thi Loan. Susan's father was killed near Cao Lanh City in 1970. Ms. Loan's father was killed in Quang Tri in 1968. Ms. Loan knew only the sound of her father's voice because he fought far from home. "Once, he got a secret mission close to home and came to visit us. We met at night because we were scared. He hugged me, but in the dark I couldn’t see his face.”
Ron Reyes with Luu Thi Kim Hien. They met in Hanoi at the very first meeting of sons and daughters from both sides. Ron and Luu Thi Kim Hien's children are the same age.
Margaret Von Lienen with Nguyen Thi Hong Diem. Ms. Diem’s father died in 1970. Two years later her mother, who had become a soldier, was killed. Ms. Hong was raised by her grandparents. She works
with a local friendship organization that promotes positive relationships between Vietnam and other countries. She said that she knew other sons and daughters in the Saigon area and wanted to learn from our experience in the U.S. so that she could reach more of them.
Margot Carlson Delogne with Phan Thi Thu Thuy. Margot's father, John W. Carlson, was shot down near Bien Hoa on December 7, 1966. His remains were never found. Ms. Thuy's father is one of only three people memorialized in a statue in the middle of the country. She would like to give us a tour of the area when we return.